Admit it

Zen Pencils delivers some impactful comics that really make me think about life. I recommend reading some of what they put out, if not all of it.

This one captures how I feel on a day to day basis:

http://zenpencils.com/comics/2013-02-05-leary.jpg?9d7bd4/

Go take a look at it before you keep reading. It’ll only take a couple minutes.

Done? Okay, now we can talk about it.

Why is it that those of us who don’t feel like we fit in with everyone else try to dress up like them? Because being a loner stucks. I know because I’ve been there. When my two good childhood friends moved away and I saw them only occasionally, I felt that I didn’t “fit in” with anyone. I didn’t really have any friends at school and I didn’t want to because they weren’t the type of people I wanted to be around. So I didn’t really try.

But then I got to middle school. Not only did I have to face the perils of that hell, but I also had to watch my parents go through extreme medical conditions that turned our lives upside down. I grew up quickly, but my body was still going through puberty. When I got to high school, I tried my best to fit in somewhere. I got a boyfriend that made me think even less of myself and that everyone told me to stay away from. I tried to look like everyone else and act the way I thought they acted.

And let me tell you, I was miserable. I hated it. But at least I wasn’t alone, right?

Honestly, as a child it didn’t matter that much to me that I didn’t fit in with other kids. I had my books, my backyard and my imagination. I didn’t need anything else because I was living in other worlds and it fuels my desire to write and create to this day. But my parents saw that I didn’t have any friends and took me to a “how to make friends” class and that told me that being friendless was not an option.

But what I didn’t understand was that I needed friends that understood me. That accepted me for who I am and didn’t feel the need to change me before liking me. I didn’t really get that until I met Jacob.

Now I’m happy because I know my friends will accept whatever crazy hairdo I decide to wear. (Don’t worry, I won’t shave my head. Well…not all of it). They will accept whatever I decide to do with my life and they will still love me.

And now, I’m not afraid to reach out to people. Because I took a chance in reaching out to Jacob, and then look what happened with that!

Seriously, if you feel alone, if you feel that no one will accept you for who you are, reach out to me. I will support you because I know where you’ve been. And no one needs to be alone, especially in a crowd of people.

Self Truth

I read a brilliant article the other day and even if you don’t agree with the premise it was written under, it brings up some great truths that we would all do good to adopt.

If you want to read the original article, you can read it here:

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-9565/i-told-my-wife-i-was-bisexual.html

Here are some of the ideas he brings up to find self-truth and inner happiness that I struggle with. I’d like to try to adopt some of these things in my own life and maybe I can get closer to my own self truth.

Don’t go looking for yourself. Just listen. 
I haven’t actually thought of it in these terms before. A lot of people will tell you to find yourself and be true to that (I’ve actually said similar things on my own blog). But the concept that your true self is within you and that you just have to listen to it makes a lot more sense to me. In the information age, it’s really easy to let all of the voices and information cloud out who we are. I know that in my quest to be healthier, a lot of things have crowded out what I really need to do. There are so many conflicting sources telling us what to do with our life, how to live it best and what ways will work. The thing is, not one thing will work for everyone so we have to figure out what works best for us. I’m going to learn to listen better.
Life is too short to live it as someone else. 
Period. No excuses. Don’t get mad at yourself for not being as good at something as someone else is. The thing that most people (including myself) don’t see is that we are better at something than that one person is. Someone I respect and revere told me that they had a hard time talking to me because I had accomplished so much with my life and they felt below me. That shocked me that someone else could think of me that way because I don’t think I’m all that. But don’t let the success of other people make you think you need to change yourself. You just need to listen to who you are and let that shine.
Not everyone will understand. They don’t have to! 
Most of the time people don’t understand when things are not put in a way that makes sense to them. To some people, if you just explain what you are doing in a way they can access, then they will accept what you want to do with your life. And then, if they don’t accept that, then they might not be worth trying to please.
Knowing your truth and owning your truth = powerful stuff. 
I truly believe it is the different between happy and successful people (not necessarily in a monetary way) and people who can never be good enough, people who are depressed all the time. I want to live my life more like this, and I hope this reaches out to you, too.

Review of the Matched Series by Allie Condie

Every once in a while I hit across a book that I would read again and again. Books have to be more than 5 out of 5 stars for me to want to go back and read them again.

Recently, I found an entire series that I would go back and read again. Matched, Crossed, and Reached by Allie Condie make up the Matched Series. Part of it is that it’s in my favorite genre, Dystopian Science Fiction, but the other part of it is the story behind it.

Matched Series Covers

I don’t believe in spoilers. I will give you the summary of each book and then tell you how it impacted me.

Matched: “Cassia has always trusted the Society to make the right choices for her: what to read, what to watch, what to believe. So when Xander’s face appears on-screen at her Matching ceremony, Cassia knows with complete certainty that he is her ideal mate… until she sees Ky Markham’s face flash for an instant before the screen fades to black.”

Crossed: “In search of a future that may not exist and faced with the decision of who to share it with, Cassia journeys to the Outer Provinces in pursuit of Ky – taken by the Society to his certain death – only to find that he has escaped, leaving a series of clues in his wake. Cassia’s quest leads her to question much of what she holds dear, even as she finds glimmers of a different life across the border. But as Cassia nears resolve and certainty about her future with Ky, an invitation for rebellion, an unexpected betrayal, and a surprise visit from Xander – who may hold the key to the uprising and, still, to Cassia’s heart – change the game once again. Nothing is as expected on the edge of Society, where crosses and double crosses make the path more twisted than ever.”

Reached: “After leaving Society to desperately seek The Rising, and each other, Cassia and Ky have found what they were looking for, but at the cost of losing each other yet again. Cassia is assigned undercover in Central city, Ky outside the borders, an airship pilot with Indie. Xander is a medic, with a secret. All too soon, everything shifts again.”

This entire series brings to question what it means to be good and what it means to be bad. Nothing is black and white here and we see the characters begin to understand and question what they are told good and bad stand for. What I love is that Cassia starts out part of the mindset, she doesn’t start out as a rebel and accepts everything the way it’s presented to her. With other dystopian books, we see the characters already suspicious of the system around them, but Cassia is not. This is one of the best showcases of character growth I have read in a long time.

The symbolism also changes with the character’s understanding of good and bad and I love the depth of it. As a literary person, I could find little that Condie did poorly. The plot held up under scrutiny, the characters were flawed and believable and made choices you didn’t agree with, and the structure of the Society around them was completely plausible.

I know this genre isn’t for everyone, but I would recommend this book to anyone who had some time on their hands.

I also love that Condie taught English in Salt Lake City. I wonder where she taught (and why didn’t I have one of her classes? Seriously.)

 

The terrible, horrible, no good, very bad food day

I want to eat healthy. Not so that I can become skinny and gorgeous, no. I want to feel healthy, I want a healthy body and I want to feel fit and clean inside and out.

Sometimes I feel like my body wants to sabotage itself. I crave foods that I know will cause me problems, not just foods that I know are bad for me. Thursday night I ate out twice and I ate really oily food really late at night. My intestines have been in excruciating pain ever since. When I eat sugar, I experience painful migraines, but today I ate about 100g of it (which is 5x the amount you’re supposed to have) because I had a huge craving I couldn’t say no to.

Why do these things happen? I don’t understand why I can’t turn down food that I know will hurt me. The problem is not that I can’t stop myself from eating food I know is bad for me, I understand why that happens. But why can’t I stop myself from eating food that causes me excruciating pain after I eat it? I suffer for days, and yet I still eat the food.

Sometimes I feel like I will never be healthy. I don’t care if I have the sexiest body around, I just want to know that I won’t have to depend on medicine to keep me alive (more than I already do with my nut allergy) or that I’ll have to depend on heavy medicare to keep living. I just want to be healthy and I want to make and keep goals that will help me get healthy. I’m good at keeping them for a time, but then I get sick from eating and I get incredibly discouraged and feel like I will never get healthy again.

I need a little encouragement here. What do you do on days where you feel like you messed up so bad that you can’t keep going?

Juice Fast Day 5 and end

So today was the fifth day of my juice fast. So far the progress I made was losing six pounds, 1% body fat, gaining .6% water and having my BMI go down one full point. 

I have made the decision to end my fast early for one reason: my health. My body has been reacting violently and I feel that continuing would be detrimental instead of helpful. However, instead of ending completely, I am going to do a partial juice fast. I am only going to eat one or two very small meals until the end of the week. 

Now you might think “If your body reacted so violently, why would this be a good thing?”

I think that this fast helped me for the time it happened. It forced me to confront sources of stress and caused me to reflect inward for a number of reasons. I am slowly confronting my fear of standing up for myself and speaking my mind. I have learned that balance is essential to a happy life. And I’ve also learned that putting gunk in my life is not worth it, because removing it is painful and difficult. 

I want to lead a good life. I want to be happy and I want to share that happiness with my friends. I think that I’ve grown a lot in these past five days, and I’m definitely not going to let that go. 

That being said, if you are considering a juice fast, make sure you consult with a doctor or nutritionist. Getting that advice will help you know whether or not your body can handle something like this. It’s intense and slightly unpleasant, but when done right it can help you detox from stress and poor diet. 

I’m starting a new chapter of my life this summer, and this just marks the beginning. 

Juice Fast: Day 2

I started my juice fast yesterday and have already had some surprising results. I just wanted to keep everyone updated on how I was doing and I personally want a record of this to look back on.

I woke up and my stomach hurt, but it didn’t feel like a normal tummy ache. It felt like some giant had repeatedly stepped on it with all of his might. Mind you I haven’t had anything to drink yet and I will probably just go back to bed after writing this.

BUT, I made sure that I would measure myself everyday and I’ve already seen results. Do keep in mind that I’m doing this for my overall health. Anyone doing a fast just with the intention of losing weight is doing the wrong thing. However, it does come as a side effect of putting only juice, tea, water and broth into your body.

I’ve lost 2.5 pounds in one day, my water level went up and my body fat percentage went down almost an entire percent. That’s a lot of change just in one day and it means that something is happening.

I’m working on cleansing me inside and out, body and soul. So you’ll probably see a bit more content from me in these next fews days, because I’ve got a lot of time to think.

Can’t put a price tag on a good life

So one thing I want to focus on over the summer is my health. My genes are predisposed to a number of health problems (my grandfather died of a heart attack and my grandmother died of pancreatic cancer. I know a few
people in my family have diabetes) so I’m already up against a lot, even without any help of my own.

I want to combat that. I want to lead a quality life and I want to feel healthy and fit. For the first time
in my life, I would go so far as to say that I want an athletic body. Since I’m trying to take a breather for most of the summer, I figured that this would be the best time to do something like this. So here is what
I’m going to do this summer for my health.

1. Juicing:

juicer

The first thing I’m starting with is a cleanse. I have spent the past four months trying to eat healthy and exercise and I have only kept off seven pounds. I still don’t feel healthy and often feel slightly ill. To me, this says that there are some toxins in my body. They need to be flushed.

I did some research and found that the safest and healthiest way to detox is through a juice fast. I watched a movie called Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead where two men go on an extended juice fast and it changed their lives. They went from being 300-500 pounds, taking a lot of medication and overall suffering in their life to a more manageable weight ( I think they lost an average of 110 pounds) and taking no medication because they didn’t need it.

Now, I’m not in as dire a circumstance as they are, so my juice fast will not be as extreme. They went for two months, whereas mine will only be for two days. But this is only the beginning, it’s not meant to be a permanent solution nor should anyone treat it as such. This is where the next step comes in.

2. Change in Diet

eat-organic-food

I’ve slowly been making changes to my diet. I’ve, for the most part, cut out sugar and processed foods. However, once I am finished with my juice fast, I’m going to make some other changes.

Lately I’ve been reading a book called Master Your Metabolism by Jillian Michaels, and it makes a lot of sense. She mainly talks about how hormones can mess up everything, but that it’s not difficult to get them under control. She outlines a diet plan that is healthy and sustainable that will help regulate those hormones and the rest of the body’s function. The plan focuses on a few key things, with three major steps: Remove, Restore and Balance. There are foods to remove, foods to store, and ways of balancing eating them for optimal benefit.

She also pushes organic for a few reasons. One, they guarantee no pesticides, no hormones put into the meat and overall little else outside of the food itself. I don’t want to eat chemicals on top of my food and while it is expensive at the forefront, it’s been shown to help with medical problems. If I put the money upfront to eat right and be healthy, I can save a lot of money that I might have to otherwise spend in medical bills, and no one wants that.

3. Becoming Physically Fit

content

I started working out seriously about a month ago and my mood improves the more I exercise. I know that if I get fit, my body will feel great. I have found so many resources on working out and getting in shape that I don’t think I will have any trouble in knowing what to do. I don’t have an exercise plan yet, but I’ll get there.

4. Relaxation

yoga_pose_2

I know that a lot of the minor medical issues I’ve had are because of the massive amounts of stress in my life. I need to minimize stress’s impact and in my studies, along with the steps I’m already taking, I’ve found the best way to do that is to meditate and relax. I’d like to try yoga and breathing meditation, but I’m just barely getting started in exploring that route.

And that is my plan. I know that some of you may not agree with it, but I’m not asking you to do it. I’m doing this for me because I’ve put a lot of thought into this and it is the best option for me and my health. I ask that you please respect it, because it is a lifestyle change and it’s hard. But, I am confident that I will be happier and healthier because of it.

Are there things you want to do for your health? Share them in the comments below!